The F-Word

Chances are if you accuse me of being a feminist with a hint of condescension in your voice, I’ll ask you for your definition of feminism.

You might avert my question but I know what you are thinking. I probably conjure an image of a ferocious female raising much hue and cry over imaginary injustice doled out to her race, who in turn is afflicted by the fragments of her own oppressed past, and is therefore on a mission to trample every wife/GF fearing creature out there.

Oh yes Sir! I do have some bad memories. A lewd comment while walking on the road, an opportunist in the busy pavilion of Pragati Maidan, a stalker during the otherwise carefree college days, a car offering me a ride at 10 in the night on a Gurgaon road misjudging me to be belonging to a very challenging profession, the misguided BF of a dear friend and the never ending stereotypes comprising traditional feminine roles. You might then tell me that your sympathies are with me as I hail from the rape capital. But then what will you tell my sisters from Mangalore, Mumbai, Kolkata and Guwahati?

Oh! But you told me gay men scare you plenty. Sweat runs to your hands when you spot one and unfailingly make a little apprehensive joke or two about them to relieve the tension. Does it remind you of the awkward moments spent with the elder cousin in the attic during summer holidays? Or is it the fear of discovering your true self 1 bright morning that throws you overboard?

Oxford dictionary describes

“Feminist- The advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.”

I am a shameless feminist. There I said it. I am guilty of it. But I would also say that I wasn’t born as one. I was born to be equal with you, to be treated with the same dignity and respect, to walk on this earth unveiled, to be given equal choices and space, to enjoy same opportunities and freedom. But as I grew up and looked around me, I realized I was treated differently. Your lecherous tendencies started deciding the clothes I wore, your intentions started deciding my time to get home, your aggression started deciding my voice, your moral code started deciding my character, your double standards started deciding my standards, your preferences started deciding my life.

Call me a rebel, a revolutionary, a traitor…

Feminism is not much different from any of the replies that the world received when mass oppression of a certain minority happened. Feminism came into existence in Europe with women fighting for the right to vote and work. The world has come very far since that day but still it’s not enough. And atleast the part of the world that I live in there is still a lot that needs to be addressed. Beginning from infanticide, domestic violence, dowry murders, molestation, rape to an insensitive attitude towards the women, all afflict the Indian landscape. The urban and the rural both have their own sets of problems and barriers to break. In this country where she is looked up to as Kali the goddess, at the same time she is stripped naked and stoned to death in case she decides to unite with her lover. But this is not something which happens only in the villages. It happens in the metros as well where women have been subject to physical violence and humiliation in complete public view several times. The reasons could have changed, the self appointed sanctimonious jury objected to her drinking at a bar and molests her, or found her dressing sense objectionable, or did not like the fact that she was out late in the night and sometimes they just acted on plain simple urge but this can be said with certainty that a society which treats its women like this and enjoys it vicariously though media can not said to be civilized. Frankly, in my opinion this is the impact of watching too much hard core porn and saas bahu serials alongside.

Do not tell a woman that it’s her fault that she got raped because she was driving home late, provide us safe roads; don’t tell she was asking for it because she was wearing provocative clothes, keep the barbaric in you in check; don’t  say its basic instinct, humans have been proved to be more evolved than animals.

Do not change my identity from a Miss to Mrs. because I am married, do not tell me I can’t work anymore because in your opinion the kitchen is where I belong, do not tell me the moral code and choices for you and your sister differ because I would call you a double standard hypocrite, do not call me names thinking I won’t swear back because I would, do not think I would not report you for the fear of shame because I would, do not ask me for dowry because my parents owe you none, don’t threaten me with your physical built because even I Sir! know how to inflict damage to your anatomy.

You might ask me how of all the people a sober person like you has offended me? I have a couple of suggestions. For men, Begin small. Next time, refrain from using a frivolous word like “eve-teasing” to describe a person’s abuse of dignity-the word is molestation, don’t treat women to your double meaning humor and then further don’t justify by saying you were just fooling around and more than anything else don’t dress down a woman naked with your shameless eyes. Think of how you would want the world to treat your female family members. World is a fairer place than you would like to believe it to be.

For women, take the responsibility for your sons’ and brothers’ behavior and conduct. I am taking for mine.